Ăn trưa công sở: ai trả tiền?

(Dân trí) – Dân công sở lắm lúc cũng lâm vào tình huống khó xử với hóa đơn tính tiền do không chắc ai nên là người “rút hầu bao” cho phải phép, để “không thẹn với người, không thiệt cho ta”. Thế mới biết ăn trưa công sở cũng có những quy tắc riêng của nó.
 
Theo Vicky Oliver, tác giả của các quyển sách nổi tiếng như 301 Smart Answers to Tough Questions: Business Etiquette Questions và The Millionaire’s Handbook, bạn hoàn toàn có thể dự trù trước các tình huống tế nhị liên quan đến chuyện tiền nong. Trong trường hợp được người khác mời, bạn cũng nên có cách hành xử thích hợp, khéo léo để ấn tượng để lại luôn là đẹp nhất.

 Dưới đây là một vài tình huống thường gặp và lời khuyên dành cho bạn:

Ăn trưa với đồng nghiệp

“Nếu bạn đi ăn chung với 5 đồng nghiệp nữa chẳng hạn, hãy chia đều hóa đơn cho mỗi người sau khi đã gộp tiền boa cho người phục vụ”, Oliver chia sẻ. “Điều này giúp tránh được những chi li thiệt hơn và gắn kết tinh thần cả nhóm.”

 Có thể bạn chỉ kêu món xà-lách trộn trong khi đồng nghiệp gọi món bò bít tết đắt đỏ, tuy vậy cũng không nên câu nệ từng đồng từng cắc, vì sẽ có lúc bạn gọi món đắt tiền hơn khi cả nhóm đi ăn chung – đến cuối cùng thì tất cả đều sẽ có qua có lại. Bạn không nên yêu cầu người phục vụ tính rõ phần nào của người nào vì không đáng để làm như vậy.

Tuy nhiên, nếu các buổi ăn trưa chung với đồng nghiệp quá thường xuyên và quá tốn tiền, hãy chọn giải pháp mang cơm nhà; tuy nhiên, bạn cần nhớ những dịp đi ăn chung là thời cơ tốt để mở rộng và thắt chặt quan hệ đồng nghiệp.

Ăn trưa làm việc

Đôi khi bạn mời một đồng nghiệp cùng ăn trưa để tiện hỏi thông tin về dự án nào đó, hoặc cập nhật những tin tức mới trong bộ phận đồng nghiệp này đang công tác. Theo lẽ thường, bạn là người mời ăn trưa nên bạn cần mở hầu bao trong trường hợp này.

 Nếu bạn dùng bữa trưa với đối tác để bàn chuyện công việc, bạn có thể hỏi ý sếp xin sử dụng phí tiếp đãi khách hàng của công ty và nếu được chấp thuận, công ty sẽ thanh toán lại cho bạn trong phạm vi cho phép. Tuy nhiên, bạn cần nói rõ với sếp: buổi ăn trưa với đối tác này sẽ mang lại lợi ích gì cho bạn, cho sếp và cho công ty. Nếu cũng là gặp đối tác nhưng chỉ để xã giao hỏi thăm thông thường, bạn khó mà thuyết phục công ty chi ra khoản này.

 Khi sếp mời

Theo lẽ thường, khi sếp mời nhân viên đi ăn trưa, sếp sẽ là người thanh toán hóa đơn. Bạn vẫn có thể lịch sự gợi ý chia đôi số tiền nhưng không nên nằng nặc đòi trả tiền, nhất là khi đi ăn với các sếp lớn. Quan trọng là bạn cần bày tỏ sự cảm kích đối với sếp về bữa ăn.

 Ăn trưa cảm ơn

Theo Oliver, nếu bạn muốn cám ơn đồng nghiệp hoặc nhân viên vì đã hỗ trợ bạn hoàn thành công việc xuất sắc nhưng lại không muốn tạo cho người đó suy nghĩ rằng lúc nào mời, bạn cũng sẽ là người chi trả 100% hóa đơn, bạn có thể khéo léo giải thích: “Tuy là công ty không chi trả cho bữa trưa ngày hôm nay nhưng bản thân tôi rất cảm kích thời gian và công sức mà anh/chị đã bỏ ra để hoàn tất công việc. Hôm nay cho phép tôi mời bữa này nhé, lần sau mình sẽ theo kiểu Mỹ.”

Ăn trưa xin lời khuyên

Khi mời sếp hoặc các đồng nghiệp kỳ cựu ăn trưa/ uống cà phê để xin tư vấn về việc nào đó, bạn nên là người trả tiền. Trong trường hợp này, bạn sẽ thu được nhiều kiến thức và kinh nghiệm quý báu, nên bạn cần bày tỏ lòng biết ơn của mình. Tuy nhiên, nếu cả hai đều được lượng thông tin như nhau, nhất trong trường hợp ăn trưa để chia sẻ kinh nghiệm, bạn có thể gợi ý chia đôi hóa đơn.

 Ai hơn thì trả

 Đôi khi giữa người mời và người được mời có khoảng cách lớn về tuổi tác hoặc thu nhập thì người có thu nhập cao hơn hoặc ổn định hơn sẽ là người rút hầu bao. Nếu về tuổi tác, người trẻ hơn nên thanh toán hóa đơn để bày tỏ lòng kính trọng, chỉ trừ trường hợp người trẻ tuổi hơn đang thất nghiệp hoặc không có thu nhập.

 Luôn nhớ hai chữ “Cảm ơn”

 Cho dù cuối cùng là ai trả tiền đi nữa thì bạn luôn cần nói “Cảm ơn”. Nếu bạn là người trả tiền thì bạn đã thu lượm được nhiều thông tin, lời khuyên sau bữa trưa hôm đó hoặc mời người khác vì muốn tỏ lòng cảm kích, nên cảm ơn là điều cần thiết. Nếu bạn được người khác mời, thì bạn càng phải nói cảm ơn về bữa trưa miễn phí và cơ hội được trao đổi, trò chuyện với người mời.

Oliver cho biết, “Nói cảm ơn dường như đã trở thành thứ nghệ-thuật-bị-đánh-mất trong thời đại này. Nếu biết vận dụng khéo léo, bạn sẽ trở nên nổi bật trên thương trường đầy cạnh tranh như hiện nay. Bạn có thể điện thoại hoặc viết email cảm ơn người nào đó, nhưng nếu được, hãy mời người đó một bữa trưa để thắt chặt quan hệ trong công việc lẫn cá nhân.”

Ngọc Vân

Theo MSN

The Importance Of Soft Skills Training

Business is about people. It is about communication, relationships and about presenting yourself, your company and your ideas in the most positive and impactful way. Many business people like to think that success is based on logical, rational thoughts and acts, but the human element should never be ignored. Which is why a strong soft skills set is vitally important.
Soft skills training can make the difference between closing the deal and losing it, creating a cohesive, efficient team or a malfunctioning one, getting that promotion or missing out. Great people skills give you a competitive edge, helping you to create positive relationships that mean you can get more from people, both internally and externally.
Soft skills training encompasses a whole range of skills, including assertiveness, influencing and persuading, negotiating, presenting and public speaking, networking and managing a team. Overall, it is about gaining a better understanding of the ways people think and behave and presenting yourself and your ideas in a way that will have the best impact.
This type of training is particularly useful for managers, but is relevant for anyone who interacts with other people as part of their job – anyone with customers or clients, anyone who commissions work from suppliers and anyone who works as part of a team.
For many professions, the importance of soft skills is obvious – for example sales people, those in customer service, politicians and journalists. For many of the more process driven and technical professions however, such as accounting or IT, soft skills training can often be forgotten or given less focus. Even in this type of business, though, employees need to be when managing staff, running meetings or simplifying complex ideas or processes for clients.
For some people, these skills come naturally, while others need to work harder at them. Some personality types are filled with horror at the thought of public speaking and networking with strangers, while others flourish in this type of situation. Some find it difficult to be assertive and a strong negotiator, others can be too aggressive. Everyone will find that they can benefit from learning new techniques and obtaining objective advice and feedback.
Soft skills training should be tailored to take into account the experience, situation and personality of the delegates. A pre-course questionnaire can help to establish these things and a good trainer will adapt their approach accordingly. A successful training session will also get the balance between theory on the one hand and practice and interaction on the other. After all, it’s all about how you work with people and you can’t learn that just by listening.

Negotiation tips

Basic Negotiating Tips

We all negotiate in our personal and professional lives. We negotiate when we go to a garage sale, or when we want to do something different at work, or when we are dealing with members of the public.

Sometimes it’s easy to negotiate, but other times, when we have a great deal at stake or we are upset, the task can be intimidating or difficult.

We are going to talk about some tips to effective negotiating that can help you work more effectively with your customers, co-workers, and boss. They are also applicable to other interpersonal situations.

Overview of The Negotiation Process

Negotiating is the process by which two or more parties with different needs and goals work to find a mutually acceptable solution to an issue. Because negotiating is an inter-personal process, each negotiating situation is different, and influenced by each party’s skills, attitudes and style. We often look at negotiating as unpleasant, because it implies conflict, but negotiating need not be characterized by bad feelings, or angry behavior. Understanding more about the negotiation process allows us to manage our negotiations with confidence increases the chance that the outcomes will be positive for both parties

Barriers To Successful Negotiation

Viewing Negotiation As Confrontational

It’s normal to become emotional during negotiation that is important. However, as we get more emotional, we are less able to channel our negotiating behaviour in constructive ways. It is important to maintain control.

Not Trying To Understand The Other Person

Since we are trying to find a solution acceptable to both parties, we need to understand the other person’s needs, and wants with respect to the issue. If we don’t know what the person needs or wants, we will be unable to negotiate properly. Often, when we take the time to find out about the other person, we discover that there is no significant disagreement.

Focusing On Personalities, Not Issues

Particularly with people we don’t like much, we have a tendency to get off track by focusing on how difficult or obnoxious the person seems. Once this happens, effective negotiation is impossible. It is important to stick to the issues, and put aside our degree of like or dislike for the individual.

Blaming The Other Person

In any conflict or negotiation, each party contributes, for better or worse. If you blame the other person for the difficulty you will create an angry situation. If you take responsibility for the problem, you will create a spirit of cooperation.

Some Negotiation Tips

Solicit The Other’s Perspective

In a negotiating situation use questions to find out what the other person’s concerns and needs might be. You might try:

What do you need from me on this?

What are your concerns about what I am suggesting / asking?

When you hear the other person express their needs or concerns, use listening responses to make sure you heard correctly.

For example: So, you are saying that you are worried that you will get lost in the shuffle and we will forget about you…Is that right?

If I have this right, you want to make sure that the phones are covered over lunch?

State Your Needs

The other person needs to know what you need. It is important to state not only what you need but why you need it. Often disagreement may exist regarding the method for solving an issue, but not about the overall goal.

For example:

I would like an hour on Tuesday to go to the doctor. I want to make sure I am healthy so I can contribute better to the organization.

Prepare Options Beforehand

Before entering into a negotiating session, prepare some options that you can suggest if your preferred solution is not acceptable. Anticipate why the other person may resist your suggestion, and be prepared to counter with an alternative.

Don’t Argue

Negotiating is about finding solutions…Arguing is about trying to prove the other person wrong. We know that when negotiating turns into each party trying to prove the other one wrong, no progress gets made. Don’t waste time arguing. If you disagree with something state your disagreement in a gentle but assertive way. Don’t demean the other person or get into a power struggle.

Consider Timing

There are good times to negotiate and bad times. Bad times include those situations where there is:

* a high degree of anger on either side
* preoccupation with something else
* a high level of stress
* tiredness on one side or the other

Time negotiations to avoid these times. If they arise during negotiations a time-out/rest period is in order, or perhaps rescheduling to a better time.

Conclusion

Negotiating is a complex process but one worth mastering. If you keep in mind that you are responsible for the success or failure of negotiation, and if you follow the tips above, you will find the process easier.

Steve Jobs ( Apple – iPod – iPhone – Pixar – Stanford )

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. Truth be told, I never graduated from college. This is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories. The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960′s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much

Body language

A. What is body language?

Body language is a term for communication using body movements or gestures (such as the Pinocchio Syndrome) instead of, or in addition to, sounds, verbal language or other communication. It forms part of the category of paralanguage, which describes all forms of human communication that are not verbal language. This includes the most subtle of movements that many people are not aware of, including winking and slight movement of the eyebrows. In addition body language can also incorporate the use of facial expressions.

B. Why?

Body language is an important part of communication which can constitute 50% or more of what we are communicating. If you wish to communicate well, then it makes sense to understand how you can (and cannot) use your body to say what you mean.

Therefore, I would like to share you some tips to improve your body language. I hope that these ones will be helpful to you on speaking in front of the public.

C. 18 ways to improve your body language?

There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.

First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.

You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.

Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.

You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.

Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviors and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.

In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.

3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.

9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep you head up – Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don’t fidget – try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink – don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people h
ave their personal space, don’t invade it.

17. Mirror – Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue. :)

18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel and for relaxation try A very simple way to feel relaxed for 24 hours.

You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.

Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.

Good luck to you!